Sarah Robinson

It all began at age 10; my parents had separated and were waiting for their divorce to be final. My father was in and out of the mental institution a lot for suicide attempts as well  as  bi-polar  with  schizophrenia.  I  was  devastated  at  the  thought  that  my  sweet daddy was so lost and torn in this world.  My father passed away from lung cancer 3 months later after diagnosis was confirmed, he was my world and now, it was gone.  I had  a  hard  time  dealing  with  that  loss  but  somehow  got  through.    At  age  12  my mother caught a “virus” that was eating her from the inside out, she was suppose to die.    She  was  in  a  coma  for  3  months  and  miraculously  recovered  on  her  birthday.  She  later  was  home  but  was  not  able  to  care  for  me  so  I  was  in  and  out  of  foster homes and eventually put into a group home for abandoned or troubled kids.  My life was corrupted with smoking, drugs, and fighting for my survival, I was terrified.  A little over a year later I was able to go home to my mother.  I was at this point completely out of control abusing myself as well as my mother.  My mother was diagnosed with SEVERAL  health  conditions  and  bi-polar  depression,  schizophrenia,  and  severe suicidal occasions.  I was at a loss for a family to love me and was at the end.  I was shortly entangled into a narcotic pill habit from my mother and then it was kept up and worsened by the life to come.  I got into a relationship and thought I had finally found love, wow was I wrong.  It all started out great and then the following 9 years were a terror.  I was addicted and did anything and everything, things I am ashamed of just for  a  high,  which  I  later  discovered  was  my  escape  from  reality.    I  worked  but  my money  was  always  stolen  from  under  my  head  while sleeping.    I  would     sleep  with my  son  in  the  bed  in  fear  “he”  would  take  him  or  kill  me.    Terror  is  an  awful  feeling but, I had no one else and he made sure I was aware of it.  The county got involved due  to  criminal  offenses  by  him  and  came  and  took  our  son,  I  thought  that  was  the end.   I  left and moved  several  times  only  to  find  myself  back  in  the  same  condition. My  mother  passed  5  years  ago  and  I  regret  the  way  I  abandoned  her  in  a  nursing home.   I  was embarrassed for her to see what I had become and how I  was being treated.    I  wanted  my  mother  to  come  live  with  us  but  he  would  never  have  that.    I continued on my path of destruction taking stronger pills and a LOT more, I left him again  for  good.    I  worked  for  pills  to  go  back  and  work  for  more  pills  and  when  the dealers were out I thought I would die from the withdrawals, the pain was so intense and sleep was never obtainable.  I would get so high and would fall asleep smoking there were over 100 burns on my mattress and under my bed, I should have burned up, “but God”, I tried to barricade myself in the room and kill myself, “but God” had me look  at  a  picture  of  my  son  and  I  couldn’t  do  it.    An  abusive  relationship  was  still haunting me each day, he had entered my every thought and I was scared to breathe unless  he  said  to.    I  was  at  Mike’s  house  hanging  out  one  day  withdrawing  and  he convinced me to get help, so I did.  I was on the way to the ER and fell asleep 5 or 6 times  and  was  vomiting  all  over,  it  was  sad  and  scary,  I  finally  saw  how  badly  off  I was.  I was admitted to ICU because they said 2 more hours and I would have come in  a  body  bag,  talk  about  a  wakeup  call.  Mike  was  there  after  an  hour  or  two  and hasn’t ever left my side since.  We moved in together and things were shaky.  I got pregnant  with  my  daughter  and  shortly  ran  away  in  fear  of  love.   We  were  reunited awhile after his decision to follow Christ, even though that was not the way I intended on  going.    I  saw  the  difference  in  him  and  finally  surrendered  completely  and  have NEVER been more full of joy. We were married shortly after and a year ago got my son back for good.  The Lord is so good, he has filled in the time gap as if we were never apart, and filled my kids with a strong desire to serve and love the Lord. I now minister to lost souls at the drug rehab as well as those the Lord has cross my path.  Life used to be lonely and desolate but now, with my family and most of all Jesus, all is amazingly wonderful. I still have troubles with certain things, I have forgiven much but  all  is  not  forgotten,  I  am  always  reminding  myself  of  where  I  came  from  to appreciate  more  where  I  am  now.    The  valleys  got  LOW  but  the  flat  land  and mountains were victorious enough to keep going.  I always thought “Christians’ had a boring life, WOW, was I wrong.  Jesus, who knew that following the Lord each step, could be this pleasing to the soul and fulfilling.  The Lord has kept His hand on my life and  I  praise  Him  for  that,  I  have  been  delivered  from  drugs,  cigarettes,  depression, but most of all from the grasp of the devil.  He is now UNDER my feet as I walk with Jesus FOREVER MORE.